Tom Harris MP posted a blog to notify us about New labour’s lovely new website, so naturally I couldn’t wait to share in his delight.
It is better designed than its predecessor for sure. I think that’s probably where the compliments end. Let’s look at what the Party is telling us.
What is immediately apparent is that New labour is “winning the fight for Britain’s future.”
Britain’s future as a third world satellite of Brussels, that is.
I’m not sure if the wee girl is about to throw herself off a cliff at the thought of her future under Labour, after all, Labour’s present is bad enough.
Don’t do it love – Labour will be kicked out very soon. (Don’t tell her about Cameron or she’ll jump just the same.)
The “How you can help” banner down the right hand side is a hoot.
The first pretty little button enables you to donate money to the Party that has taken so much from you already.
The first amount on the drop-down menu is £15. That could buy an MP a tasteful polyester tie.
There is not an option to donate £950, so please make cheques for this amount payable to Wendy Alexander.
The second button down is “Join”. Sounds like an order, but I’ll resist the temptation.
The green button is “Volunteer”. I already have done – I’m volunteering my time and money to expose New Labour.
The dark blue button can tell me about “events near me”. Now that is useful. I no longer have to buy a paper, I can just click this button and find where the latest stabbings, muggings, bankruptcies, etc. are.
The light blue button invites us to “Fundraise”. If you have already clicked the top button to donate, you can now go round your friends and neighbours asking for their money too. Be prepared to remove your head from the toilet at some stage.
The grey button can tell you where Labour is in your area, but it doesn’t give details of where you can buy pitchforks.
The “Recruit” button is next and while you’re busy with that, don’t forget to “Tell your friends”. Don’t worry: I already do!
The final button is for us to leave our comments to explain “why I’m Labour.”
Sheila Stevens has commented, “You can say what you like about Labour I know they are the only Party who’ll look out for people like me – ordinary people who work hard.”
Sheila sweetheart, they didn’t even want you to have a 10p income tax rate. I could go on ad infinitum Sheila, but I think I’d be wasting my time.
The main body of the home page has several headlines.
At the time of writing, the top headline is “Manchester welcomes Labour” and a picture of Hazel Blears.
I think the headline must be wrong.
Next up (or down) is “Fair rules, fair chances and a fair say for all” says Gordon Brown.
You missed out “fair dinkum” Gordon?
Guess what, dear unelected Prime Minister: we don’t believe a word you say.
“What more can Labour do to improve your local area?”
Erm, you’ve done enough for us now thanks. Please go.
“Building Schools for the Future”
Using private money that will have to be paid back in the future. Yet again making the rich richer and the poor poorer – it’s only fair – in Gordon’s mind.
The whole website is a two-fingered salute to the truth. In that much, it delivers as expected.