Criminals and fatties: come and join the British Army

We usually have to catch up with the Americans on the latest craze and so it is again this time, as the Army prepares to spend twenty million of our pounds on a campaign to recruit hitherto undesirable types.

The US Army has been hiring felons for some time now, many believe to produce a morally-deficient force that can be used against the people in a state of martial law, and now the Ministry of Defence wants to solve our soldier shortage this way.

The Daily Mail reports, “As well as lowering the barrier to allow more ex-offenders to join, the Army is considering accepting criminals freed from prison on licence – meaning they can be sent back to jail if they breach parole conditions.”


The British Army – fighting the enemy flab.

Tattoos on hands and necks will be acceptable, giving a new meaning to military tattoos.

Overweight people have also been given the chance to become cannon fodder in the next war for oil:

“Plumper soldiers may also soon be the norm, as the review looks to relax standards on Body Mass Index, allowing more overweight youngsters to start initial training.”

“In 2006, the Army raised the BMI barrier for male recruits from 28 to 32 – two points above the World Health Organisation’s definition of clinically obese. Army insiders insist the changes will not lead to poor-quality soldiers on the frontline, as all recruits must reach the same high standards by the end of their training.”

Hopefully the overweight soldiers will be given adequate body armour, unlike some of their slimmer predecessors who paid for Government scrimping with their lives.

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